Pokémon We Could Beat Up #2

This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #2.

This is a bi-weekly column from me and Chris where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each pokémon in a fight.

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006-010

006. Charizard

Height: 5’07”

Weight: 199.5 lbs

Chris: I’m taller. That’s the only advantage can think about. Charizard would treat me like it’s prey and pick me up and drop me from 100 feet in the air. I’d be unrecognized after a fight with Charizard.

Steve: Stats don’t matter here, I stand no chance against a Charizard. Put my pride aside and accept my loss.

007. Squirtle

Height: 1’08”

Weight: 19.8 lbs

Chris: I like my chances against a little turtle. They’re my favorite animal so I feel like I would just want to take the L and not hurt it. I give myself the win fairly easily. The only thing I see being an issue is Squirtle hiding in his shell. Easy clap.

Steve: I agree with Chris, I’ll hit him a couple good times in the shell until he gives up. 

008. Wartortle

Height: 3’03”

Weight: 49.6 lbs

Chris: A slightly bigger Turtle without much of a difference. I think this is still a fairly easy fight. It could really hurt to kick/punch a shell. However, I see it being easy to pick and throw Wartortle if I have to. 

Steve: This is just a bigger squirtle, shell will be a little tougher but not much more of a challenge. Easy win again. 

009. Blastoise

Height: 5’03”

Weight: 188.5 lbs

Chris: I would be terrified if I saw a massive beast with cannons. Especially as stocky as Blastoise. 188 is pretty heavy. About 10 more than me. I see myself struggling a lot here and likely losing. I could be water boarded by him fairly easily. It would be like being sprayed by a fire hose x10. Doesn’t seem fun. My only chance would be to somehow get him to fall in his back since turtles can’t roll over on their own. I’ll take the loss.

Steve: Look past the stats here, an armored midget with water cannons on its back. This is my first loss of the day. I believe I’d put up a good fight but punching the shell would tire me out and one blast of water would knock me right out.

010. Caterpie

Height: 1’00”

Weight: 6.4 lbs

Chris: This is without a doubt the easiest. I would actually be terrified if I saw a bug or he size of a Caterpie. I could look aside my fear and squash this bug and not think twice. 

Steve: *STOMP* Oh what did I just step on was it a caterpie?

STANDINGS

Chris: 3-2 just like Steve this time. I think this is likely for everyone. I’m confident but not insane. 7-3 in the first 10. Not bad however I see a lot of beef cakes coming up in my future. 

Steve: 3 wins and 2 losses today, the final evolutions are just too big and dangerous that you don’t stand a chance against them. Thank you caterpie for padding my stats.

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STANDINGS

Chris: 3-2 just like Steve this time. I think this is likely for everyone. I’m confident but not insane. 7-3 in the first 10. Not bad however I see a lot of beef cakes coming up in my future. 

Steve: 3 wins and 2 losses today, the final evolutions are just too big and dangerous that you don’t stand a chance against them. Thank you caterpie for padding my stats. 6-4 after the first 10, could be better but it also could be a lot worse.

New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.