Pokémon We Could Beat Up #4

This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #4

This is a bi-weekly column from me and Chris where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each pokémon in a fight.

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016-020

Some birds and some rats on the schedule today. Should be interesting to see how this plays out.

016. Pidgey

Height: 1’00”

Weight: 4 lbs

Chris: I think It could be kinda hard to hit a bird. I’ve never hit one before, but if it’s flying my way, I can definitely one hit KO it.

Steve: Nothing really to be said here, I can handle a real pigeon so this is no different. 

017. Pidgeotto

Height: 3’07”

Weight: 66.1 lbs

Chris: That’s a big bird. He’s husky for no reason. No way bugs made him this heavy. I see myself having a hard time damaging it especially since it can fly. I’ll take my loss.

Steve: This is an absurd jump in stats. For reference, a bald eagle is shorter in height than this and about 45-50 lbs lighter. I think a bald eagle would murder me with no hesitation so I have to say that that a Pidgeotto would make quick work of me. 

018. Pidgeot

Height: 4’11”

Weight: 87.1 lbs

Chris: Pidgeot is about a foot shorter than me and 100 pounds lighter. That is terrifying considering it’s a bird. It can move quickly and fly all over. I would have to hit this thing multiple times to damage it, and I see that being very difficult. I’ll take another loss since I’m a land dweller. 

Steve: 1 foot taller and 20 pounds heavier, I’m losing even faster this time. I hate to lose to a bird but there’s just no chance I hurt this thing.

019. Rattata 

Height: 1’00”

Weight: 7.7 lbs

Chris: Rats are gross. I would want to end this as quickly as possible, it’s very small. I’d likely treat it as a football and kick it as far as I can. 

Steve: This is one rat that will not be appearing in the Ratatouille sequel. Goodbye rattata, it was nice knowing you.

020. Raticate

Height: 2’04”

Weight: 40 lbs

Chris: My reaction to seeing this would be similar to that of the woman in the supermarket who saw the fake rat. It’s still the size of a small fat dog. I’d be worried about being bit, but those short stubby arms won’t do much. I don’t think this is much of a fight either. Anotha One. 

Steve: Thank you Chris for reminding me of that video. I’ve been thinking about this one for a little while now and I should beat this in a fight. A giant rat would scare me but if it’s a life or death scenario I think I’m overcoming my fear and securing a victory.

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STANDINGS

Chris: 3-2 today. Not bad, but there’s not much I can do about a heat seeking rocket in the form of a bird. Still positive. 

Steve: 3-2 today. Small birds I can handle but a giant bird swooping down at high speeds there’s just nothing I can realistically do. You have to remember that in these scenarios we have no weapons, maybe with a stick I could defend myself but with just my arms and legs I’m worthless.

New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.