Pokémon We Could Beat Up #12

This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #12

This is a bi-weekly column from Chris and I where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each Pokémon in a fight.

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056-060

Mankey? More like spank the monkey. Does anyone remember that game?

056. Mankey

Height: 1’08”

Weight: 61.7 lbs.

CHRIS: I have seen money’s do some scary things. However, this one is very small. I don’t get how something one foot tall can be so heavy. Either way I feel like he’s too small to impact me.

STEVE: No way I lose to a Mankey. I was concerned about biting but Mankey’s don’t appear to have mouths. They can eat but there is no mention of sharp teeth or fangs so I’m safe in that department. W.

057. Primeape

Height: 3’03”

Weight: 70.5 lbs.

CHRIS: I was hoping Steve would say he loses here. I also think I lose. He is surprisingly not that much bigger than Mankey. He does have the rage and strength to rip my face off.

STEVE: I’m actually pretty scared of Primeape. A roided out pig monkey with boxing gloves for hands. Yeah, no thanks. L

058. Growlithe

Height: 2’04”

Weight: 41.9 lbs.

CHRIS: This is a small dog don’t listen to Steve. What medium sized dog is two foot tall? My dogs are considered medium and they’re 70-80 pounds. I don’t expect much attacking from Growlithe. Win.

STEVE: Let’s consult the internet for some tips and tricks. “It will fiercely bark at, bite, and chase away any perceived threat. Otherwise, this obedient Pokémon will wait motionlessly until given an order.” If Growlithe is a docile Pokémon and wouldn’t immediately attack me I think I stand a good chance. I would compare Growlithe to a medium sized dog. W.

059. Arcanine

Height: 6’03”

Weight: 341.7 lbs.

CHRIS: The glow up here is overwhelming. It’s scary to think about even trying to hurt this beast. I would be honored to lose to Arcanine.

STEVE: Do I have the option to not write anything? Arcanine would hand me by biggest L thus far. L.

060. Poliwag

Height: 2’00”

Weight: 27.3 lbs.

CHRIS: Other than spraying me with water, poliwag can not hurt me. There are no arms to worry about. If I push it over how would it get up? It is a tadpole. There isn’t much more to say about it.

STEVE: Thank goodness for Poliwag coming in clutch and helping me secure another win. Poliwag isn’t adept at walking on land and thrives in the water but unfortunately for him our battle is on land. Step off, Poliwag

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STANDINGS

CHRIS: A positive record keeps me comfortable. 3-2 today! I will definitely not be overly confident when I know there’s no chance.

STEVE: 3-2 seems to be a constant here, another three wins and two losses. My record after 60 battles is 41-19. I’d say that’s pretty respectable. It could be a lot worse but looking at the matchups and who we have gone up against I don’t think it could be much better.

New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.