Pokémon We Could Beat Up #15

This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #15

This is a bi-weekly column from Chris and I where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each Pokémon in a fight.


076. Golem

Height: 4’07”

Weight: 661.4 lbs.

076 Golem icon 256x256px (ico, png, icns) - free download | Icons101.com

CHRIS: 670 pounds….uh oh. This is just physically impossible for me to win. What can I even try to do?

STEVE: “Its body is so hard that even dynamite cannot scratch it.” This may be true, but Golem has never felt a Steve punch. Just kidding. L.

077. Ponyta

Height: 3’03”

Weight: 66.1 lbs.

077 Ponyta icon 256x256px (ico, png, icns) - free download | Icons101.com

CHRIS: I just imagine myself getting bucked in the chin. I was going to say I would try to jump on her back, but that wouldn’t work either. Another L.

STEVE: I’ve seen YouTube videos of people getting folded after being kicked by a horse. I don’t want to be the next YouTube sensation. The fire doesn’t help my case either. L.

078. Rapidash

Height: 5’07”

Weight: 209.4 lbs.

078 Rapidash icon 256x256px (ico, png, icns) - free download | Icons101.com

CHRIS: That’s a beefy horse. Uhhh. What do I even try. That heat just seems insane. I just imagine Rapidash running 150 mph straight into me. I blow up. GG.

STEVE: “Rapidash is a very agile Pokémon. It runs at about 150 mph (240 km/h), chasing everything that moves in hopes of racing it.” 150 mph??? Am I reading this correctly? This is just a Ponyta but bigger and beefier, I’m not having a good week. L.

079. Slowpoke

Height: 3’11”

Weight: 79.4 lbs.

079 Slowpoke icon 256x256px (ico, png, icns) - free download | Icons101.com

CHRIS: I think he’s so cute. He is so lazy so this is easy. I don’t even know what animal he is based upon? Either way W.

STEVE: Yes! I needed a win today. This is the Pokémon equivalent of a sloth so we are not worried about a Slowpoke. W.

080. Slowbro

Height: 5’03”

Weight: 173.1 lbs.

080 Slowbro icon 256x256px (ico, png, icns) - free download | Icons101.com

CHRIS: He is also a bug beef cake. However if he doesn’t want to fight than it’s a win. I would feel bad if it didn’t try to fight back. Life or death, I survive.

STEVE: “While it is capable of unleashing powerful psychic attacks, Slowbro is typically rather peaceful and usually prefers not to fight.” Slowbro might not want to fight me but I want to fight Slowbro. Also, if the Shellder on its tail is broken off it reverts back to Slowpoke so that gives me an easy path to victory. W.


CHRIS: 2-3 as well. The losses are catching up VERY fast.

STEVE: 2-3 today, a little bit better than last time where I went 1-4. 46-29 after 80 fights. I’m happy with this record, it could be better but it for sure could be a lot worse.

New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.

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