Pokémon We Could Beat Up #17

This is Pokémon We Could Beat Up #17

This is a bi-weekly column from Chris and I where we go through the National Pokédex and talk about whether we could beat each Pokémon in a fight.


086. Seel

Height: 3’07”

Weight: 198.4 lbs.

086 Seel icon 256x256px (ico, png, icns) - free download | Icons101.com

CHRIS: I was worried when I first saw her. I know how dangerous they can be in real life. Life Steve mentioned, they can not move well on land so I will win.

STEVE: “While it is a graceful swimmer, it is awkward and struggles to move on dry land.” Bingo. All of these fights take place on land, it may seem unfair but many Pokémon that live in the water can move perfectly fine on land. Seel is not one of them. W.

087. Dewgong

Height: 5’07”

Weight: 264.6 lbs.

Pokemon icon set (553 icons of 256x256px) designed by HEKTakun - free  download (ico, png, icns) | Icons101.com

CHRIS: These are the beasts I see in the videos. That height and weight combination is scary. Loss.

STEVE: This is a hefty gentleman, I don’t see myself winning this one. Have you ever seen the video of the seal dragging that girl into the water? It would be like that except there’s no water. L.

088. Grimer

Height: 2’11”

Weight: 66.1 lbs.

Pokemon icon set (553 icons of 256x256px) designed by HEKTakun - free  download (ico, png, icns) | Icons101.com

CHRIS: I don’t know how I would win this. Or how I would lose. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to hit it or damage it. Same for grimer. If it hits me I imagine it feeling like slime. I imagine I find a way to win.

STEVE: I’m not even sure what a Grimer is. A mound of goo? I would imagine Grimer smells terrible so that would be no fun, and Grimer’s body is most likely an awful consistency. I hate gross and slimy things, I think I would win but I would want it to be over as fast as possible. W.

089. Muk

Height: 3’11”

Weight: 66.1 lbs.

Pokemon icon set (553 icons of 256x256px) designed by HEKTakun - free  download (ico, png, icns) | Icons101.com

CHRIS: I always pictured Muk being ginormous. This is much smaller than I imagined. However, like Steve said it is toxic. I would probably die or be absorbed.

STEVE: I thought this was just a slightly larger Grimer but I always like to do some research on every one of my opponents. According to bulbapedia:

“Muk is a living biohazard, leaking toxins that instantly kill all plant life it touches. Even it being in close proximity to plants will cause them to wilt and die. Extreme caution is advised in avoiding any contact with this Pokémon, as an accidental brush up can lead to severe sickness.”

If I touch Muk I get severely sick? How am I supposed to beat one up? L.

090. Shellder

Height: 1’00”

Weight: 8.8 lbs.

090 Shellder icon 256x256px (ico, png, icns) - free download | Icons101.com

CHRIS: I would try to crack it open as well so I can see what is inside. Where is that tongue coming from? What damage can it actually do? This would be a fun one.

STEVE: I’m not the biggest fan of clams but I know how to crack one open. W.


CHRIS: 54-31 after today. That is a lot more losses than I remember. These are so fun to picture in my head.

STEVE: 3-2 for the second week in a row. That leaves me with a record of 52-33, not exactly admirable but also nothing to scoff at. I think Seel could have gone both ways but I gave myself benefit of the doubt on that one. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?

New fights every Monday and Friday 5:00 PM EST. Gotta beat em’ all.

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